Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{December 10, 2008}   Christmas Party

I went to my work christmas party last night.  Right up till we were pulling out of the driveway, I kept telling my husband “We don’t have to go.  We can just go back in the house and watch tv.”  He seemed to want to go, however.  I was amazed because usually at these functions, he sits in a corner and stares at everyone and makes them uncomfortable.  I did tell him that he was not to do that this time, under threat of death, but I had no reason to believe that he actually listened to me.  What do I know?  He seemed to have a good time.  I got lots of compliments on my outfit, and was told many times that they had no idea I “looked so good in clothes.”  This is always our joke, since we wear scrubs to work.  I had a good time, too, surprisingly.  I held some babies, even, and talked to everyone.  One of the docs introduced me to his wife as “the one I told you about, that had a miscarriage.”  Wow.  He also told her he predicted my pregnancy, which he did.  Since he was so cavalier, I said “Yes, he did, but he didn’t predict the demise of it.”  I thought that evened the score on awkwardness, don’t you think?    Anyway, today, everyone seemed to want to talk about Christmas and their plans for it.  When I was asked, I just told everyone that my christmas was going to consist of everyone I was going to buy a present for coming over my house and flushing the toilet while I sang them carols…acoustics are always better in the potty, dontyaknow.  This is thanks of course to the new house and its amazing sewer pyrotechnics.  Can anyone else tell I’m a total scrooge this year?  I’m usually the one who wants to put up the tree Thanksgiving Day, go shopping on Black Friday, and host the Family Christmas Eve Breakfast.  I don’t want to do any of that this year.  I just don’t care.  This year the tree and trimmings feels like too much stuff to drag out just to have to put back up in a month.  Oh, and I’m officially still not pregnant.  Mr Monthly Visitor showed up this morning in full force.  I’m beginning to think that it’s just not going to happen.  I’m getting tired of taking the prenatal vitamins and the folic acid.  It’s just a daily reminder of what happened with my 1st pregnancy,and I’m just over it already.  I’m tired of stressing about it, tired of talking about it, and tired of thinking about it in general.  I’ve been ready to put the IUD back in for several months in a row, and each time, I let someone (read the Y-chromosomal unit that lives in my house) talk me out of it.  I’m not sure how long I can keep up the “positive attitude” even for him.  It’s been 6 months.  I realize this seems like a second to some of you, but I conceived 5 days after the IUD came out the 1st time, and sorry, but it’s made me very impatient.  It also makes me think that something’s wrong, and I, quite frankly, can’t afford fertility treatments, so I’m now afraid to go to the doctor for fear of what she’ll tell me. (Because if I hear “Just be patient and relax, it’ll happen!!  You’re still young!” one more time, I’ll end up on the news.)  I’ve had such a horrible year that I’m looking for the other shoe to drop any time.  I’m a little bitter today.

et cetera