Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{December 17, 2008}   I think I’m slowly losing my mind.

Seriously.  In the last 2 weeks, I’ve misplaced my glasses (luckily had an old pair to fall back on), and now I’ve lost the pendant necklace my husband gave me last Christmas.  I don’t lose things.  In general.  I’d question my husband, but he’d likely be angry at me for losing something else.  Unless he’s plotting to have me put away for insanity, and hiding them from me on purpose.  They do that to little old ladies, you know.  Set them up to be committed?  I don’t know.  Will look at work tomorrow.  Believe it or not, I actually work with decently honest people, so if they found it, they would put it up at the nurse’s station.  Who knows.  Maybe the commitment would be warranted?

Ok.  Just so you know, I was very sheltered my entire life.  I’ve told my friends this story, but y’all don’t know me, and will likely think it funny, so I’ll tell you now.  I labored under the impression I was going to lay an egg for a number of years.  When I was nine, (I was an early bloomer) my mother took it upon herself to have “The Discussion” with me.  My mother was even more sheltered than I was and all her mother told her was that she would have a period each month, and her (future) husband would tell her why.  Can you imagine?  Anyway, Mom couldn’t bring herself to explain fully the way things were supposed to work and why, so she had me read in the encyclopedia.  (True story.  Promise.  Watch this, it gets better.)  Now, I’m a “smart kid”  (sticks out tongue and says nah nah), but I’m nine.  I have no idea what a uterus is, and can’t pronounce menstruation.  I knew what eggs were, however, cause we had them for breakfast.  In my perusal, I deduced that somehow this had something to do with me, and cleverly followed that deduction with the equally clever idea that the above information was correct.  Only when I was twelve and had health class at school was I properly horrified at what the process entailed and grateful at the same time that I had never divulged this secret to anyone else.  Hysterical, huh?  Anyway, all this prefaces a point, I promise.  So, back to present day.  I can’t believe I’m about to admit this, but here goes.  I never learned how to perform a b.low j.ob.  Had no idea what it entailed.  Seriously.  Now, it wasn’t for lack of trying, but I’ve only ever been with 2 men, and as previously stated, was very sheltered.  Only in the last few years has it come to my attention that  something seemed to be lacking in this area.  My husband, for whatever reason, could never quite explain what was going awry with the whole process, and I’ve wondered to myself for YEARS “How does one acquire this knowledge?”  I mean, honestly, I didn’t exactly grow up in porn-central, well, you see how the B&B discussion went. I have probably some old fashioned ideas about sex and marriage as well.  It’s a very emotional process for me, and I’m just not built for one-night-stands.  Well.  When all else fails, consult a book.  Believe it or not, such literature exists.  I found it completely by accident.  I was looking on  A.mazon for a Kama  S..utra book for my husband as part of an intimate Christmas present, and there it was.  The first line in the synopsis was “Have you ever gotten the feeling that other women know something you dont?”  I thought to myself,  “Hmm.  This could be the book for me. Read on.”  So, I decided that the book seemed worth ordering, and thought well, it might just be money well spent.   So far, so good!  I’ve been patting myself on the back for several days for passing a milestone and joining the ranks modern women everywhere.  This is probably too much info, but it’s really been rankling with me and I’m proud to say, one more lesson scratched off the list!  Wonder what I’ll get for a reward?;)


geohde says:

Your husband is clearly a very VERY lucky man. 🙂

Mine doesn’t get those any more!


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