Ninapintasantamaria's Blog











{December 18, 2008}   Sleep is good

Ok, so people have posted ad nauseum on this subject, but I really like my sleep.  I don’t do well without it.  Really.  You might want to think how you’re phrasing things today.  I had to bite my tongue and not ask a surgeon today “Does your wife react negatively to that tone of voice?  Because it’s having pretty much the same effect on me, and trust me, it isn’t pleasant…Yep deep breaths and all, I still want to hang you by your ____!”  (You can fill in the blank yourself.  Be creative.)  I totally pissed some people off, earlier, too.  I’m a little sensitive about the non-pregnant state.  I was talking to someone about this feeling and how my head doesn’t shut off, and someone else, who wasn’t involved in the conversation butted in.  Now, she was privy to the details, but it just wasn’t the time to obtrude herself onto my notice. She began to tell me that “the more I concentrate on it, the less likely it is that I’ll get pregnant.”  I looked at her and said “Well then, I guess we know the answer, then, don’t we?”  I was a total bitch, and really owe her an apology, but I’m so sick of hearing that!  I can’t relax! It doesn’t work for me.  I can fall asleep, and whatever I was thinking about that night picks right back up as soon as I wake up.  I feel like I have no energy, and could crawl into the nearest corner and fall asleep.  I don’t think I can get pregnant at this point, and I just wish everyone would stop trying to “be positive.”  I can’t be positive anymore, and it just gets on my nerves.  I’ve given up.  Sorry, I’m a quitter, and I guess some folks are just better than me if they’re able to continue to do this for years on end.  This is as patient as I get.  I’m tired of hearing “It hasn’t been that long” or “you’re still young, keep trying” or “God works in mysterious ways.”  Yeah, he does, alright, because it’s a fucking mystery as to why this is happening to me!!!  This really pisses the God people off, by the way, I wouldn’t recommend it if you want to stay friends with them.  This is what comes out of my mouth and how I act when I haven’t had any sleep.  Actually, it’s not really that different from when I’ve had sleep, but my sense of humor is a bit more defined.  Sorry, world at large, I’m a bit pissy today.  I think I won’t talk about it anymore, at work.  Maybe I’m bringing it on myself.  I really need to find a cure for foot-in-mouth disease, but I think, in my case anyways, it’s terminal.  Maybe someone else will discover the answer.

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