Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{February 10, 2009}   Fish net embolism stockings.

I took care of some characters today.  The 1st patient I took care of wanted to hold all our hands and pray, and then under Versed he divulged that he was “hung like a stud hamster, and to please go easy when putting in the catheter.”  Wow.  We all laughed. It never ceases to amaze me what will come out of people’s mouths when under the influence.  My next patient wanted to know if the anti-embolism stockings came in fish nets.  I  had to explain that if they did, all the little old ladies at the nursing home would have them, and then the poor nursing home employees would have even more trouble keeping the little old people off each other.  Some of them people are quite lecherous.  I had a patient several weeks ago, that when asked what he was having done that day answered “Well, I’m farting out my pecker, and I’ve come to rectify the situation.”  I need to write a book.  I had a prisoner who hadn’t seen a woman in approximately 10 years, and I’m not even going to repeat what he said, but whatever you imagine will probably be pretty close.  The wildest thing that ever happened to me though, was back when I was still working L&D.  I had taken 1st admission that morning and got the next patient that came up from the ER.  I ascertained that she was in fact, in labor, got an IV started, and got her all settled in with an epidural.  (I’ve seen babies delivered natural, and I’m here to tell you that there’s lots easier ways of having babies.  I want every kind of dope available, thank you.)  She warned me that she had fast deliveries, so I tried to allay her fears and explained that I’d be watching her on the monitor, and to hit the nurse call button if she needed anything, or had a question.  She agreed.  So about an hour later, she called out “I feel something strange!!!!”  I went flying down there, thinking I was gonna have to catch a kid, and upon the vag exam, I jerked my hand back out with a gasp.  The baby’s hand had slid down through the cervix and had grabbed my finger.  True story, I swear.  You can’t make this stuff up.  That patient ended up with a c-section, and I ended up with a new set of girly drawers.


bernice says:

i like your blog posts 😀 they’re interesting!

Nina says:

Glad you think so! Anyone who reads my drivel must have an exceptional sense of humor, and be just a bit sick, but hey, you fit right in the club with me.

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