Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{February 20, 2009}   No news.

I got told by at least 4 people today that I’d lost sooo much weight and looked really good.  This was sweet, but I’d really rather be so pregnant I can’t bend over.  Oh well.  Oh yeah, and no word on the Clomid from the insurance company.

Today I worked in Dr. B’s room again.  He started doing that thing I hate when I ask him a question about a specimen and he ignores me because he’s “concentrating.”  Yeah, whatever.  He’s sewing the skin.  He can do that and talk at the same time, I’ve seen him.  So, finally, after several attempts at getting a response and getting nothing accomplished, I told him “I’m sending the offending appendage to pathology.  What would you like me to call it?  [cricket….cricket]  “Ok.  No problem.  I’ll just make something up.  Yep, I’m calling it Clarence.  And yes, I’m sending it to the lab like that.”  The whole room cracked up.  He turned around and gave me “the look.”  Then he grinned, and finally answered me.  (Teach him to ignore me.  I’ll show him……)

{February 19, 2009}   I’m really a good mother.

I swear.  Would somebody let God know that, so he’ll quit totally cock-blocking me?  So today, I called my MD because guess what?  Yeah.  Tampax Fairy sprinkled her tampon dust on me.  No baby dust.  Just tampon dust.  {bitch}  But that wasn’t God’s fault.  Oh, no.  God dropped the ball by letting my insurance company not cover fertility services.  And requiring prior authorization before allowing my pharmacy to dispense the Clomid.  So I might not get to start it this month, after all.  Or ever, if God decides I’m a shitty mother and just forgets to tell me.  Lets me figure it out on my own.  Or tortures me and never lets me figure it out.  If it’s not the BTJr, it’s God trying to tell me something.  Maybe I should listen.

{February 18, 2009}   I need a hysterectomy.

Or at least a uterine transplant.  I still haven’t been blessed by the TF, despite spotting off and on for the last 2 days.  *sighs*  Whatever.

So, today, I looked up in the middle of my case and realized that this patient’s chest was full of blood.  (It’s not supposed to be that way, in case you didn’t know.)  It looked like a volcano had erupted and was sending volcanic molten lava everywhere!  I looked around and no one seemed to be freaking out, so I just decided to quietly begin to get my supplies ready to open the chest.  (This was a case done through the scope.)  It was lucky I decided that, because just then, all hell broke loose.  I had to call for help, order blood, call for the anesthesiologist, open supplies, and I guess chart with my 6th hand.  The patient lived, and everything turned out ok, but good God!  I needed new girly drawers.

{February 17, 2009}   Still nothing.

I really wish my body would stop this.  I really, really wish I wasn’t so bitter and angry all the time.  I told someone the other day that I’ve been Eeyore wayy too long.  I really need to get back to Tigger, where I was.  I think I’ve progressed a bit past Eeyore, but only to Rabbit.  I’m really quite irascible lately.  DON’T. <whack> FEED. <whack> THE. <whack> BEAR!! <WHACK!>

{February 16, 2009}   Birthdays

My entire immediate family called me today.  Separately.  And sang.  We are such nerds.  I heard from several folks today.  Everyone had well-wishes.  It’s nice to know people care about you.  In other news, no period, no sore tits, no nausea, no birthday present, no news.  *sighs*

{February 16, 2009}   Muscle spasms

My neck and shoulders hurt soooo much.  I don’t think it’s a crick in my neck because it’s felt like this for days.  I’m so stressed out.  I don’t know what to do about it, because I can’t relax till I get pregnant, but apparently, I can’t get pregnant until I relax!!!  Ok, I guess I should get to the point.  I, evidently, have been ovulating irregularly because I’m stressed.  According to everything I’ve read, this is also the cause of my bleeding betweens.  Either that, or cervical/vaginal irritation during sex.  Now.  I really don’t think that’s it.  Truthfully, I’ve never found sex all that  irritating.  Inconvenient, perhaps, but never irritating.  Mind-boggling in the various routes of pursuit, possibly, but never irritating.  I’m just all screwed up.  I need a vacation.  Oh, and Happy Birthday to me.  I’ve just been folding laundry, sweeping floors, and watching movies.  Not really different from my regular days, actually.  Maybe I’ll get nauseous tonight, with some sore tits on the side.  Taken out of context, not so much fun.  Put in the context of my life, however, and it would be the best birthday present ever.

{February 15, 2009}   Spit, Spot, Part Deux

So now I’m spotting.   Again.  This will probably be a short post because YCU is currently rooting at my side demanding attention, like a small puppy.  Anyway.  I have been reading up on the causes of breakthrough bleeding, and such.  None of it’s really good for fertility.  I just wish I had answers.  I wish I knew if there was any point to the Clomid or not.  I wish I would start my period already!!!  I really hate waiting.  Either I’m stressed, or I have Endometriosis or fibroids.  Or PCOS, like I was afraid of.  I thought the hallmark of endo or PCOS was painful periods.  I don’t really even notice mine until I go to the potty.  I don’t have cramps or flooding.  I have some mood swings.  But I think I have those anyway.  I don’t understand why things can never just be straightforward for me.  Why do I always have to fight to get what I want?  Why does it have to be so hard?

In other news, I think I’m having mood swings now.  I just chewed my husband a new one because the dogs did something stupid.  We need a new collar for the dog, my husband insists that I just don’t know how to put the collar on, and I have a nuclear meltdown because he’s talking to me like I’m stupid.  How hard should it be to put on a fucking collar?  It’s not.  I put it on the damn dog.  If he can get it off because he chewed on it and now the clasp doesn’t work, and he continues to insist that it does, I’m no longer going to worry about the dogs.  They are his responsibility.  All this stress and stupid shit is making me very irritable.  I’m gonna have to start exercising again.  I hate exercise.  I  hate sweat.  I like to play hard.  I do not like to exercise and sweat.

{February 14, 2009}   Valentine’s Day is fun

I woke up this morning to my husband having gotten off early and stopping on the way home for roses and balloons.  He’s really a pick of the litter, even if he’s still in the middle of house-breaking!  Last night, I had a note from him on the stove when I got home.  He’d gotten over himself, and just said he didn’t like being accused of something he didn’t do.  I understand that. I told him my reasons for feeling the way I did, and everything was resolved.  I just wish he wouldn’t act that way in the first place.  He hates it when I’m right about things, and he lets it show.  Since I’ve been right several times in the past few weeks, he’s been in an increasingly foul temper.  Which of course, makes me irritable because he’s being childish.  To quote a movie I saw recently, “Someday he’s gonna be a fantastic grown-up.”

just contemplation of it.  I simply explained that the girl obviously had boundary issues, and that I didn’t need that distraction in the form of him and her possibly getting too friendly.  He has promised to cut it out, and let her fade into the distance where she will no longer obtrude herself upon my notice, or his.  Housebroken.  I love it.  As an aside, I really need to make it clear that I never thought there was any foul play going on.  I just thought it was highly disrespectful, and well, you know, I’m so overly tolerant of that in general.  I also don’t have a slightly over the top temper tantrum every time he leaves his clothes outside the hamper.  You guys are seeing the picture clearly, by now, I’m sure.

Little bitch. Hands up all who think it’s appropriate for YCU to be talking to a young 20-something girl about hot bodies and her girlfriends and her going to the salon? Nah, didn’t think there would be anybody. I found this IM when my laptop went tits up earlier. (I love that expression. I have to credit Geohde with it.) Bitch logged in as I was getting on the internet, and asked (I presume she thought it was him) why he wasn’t in bed. I wrote back “He is. This is Nina. You two have had quite the interesting conversation today.” She tried to play dumb and couldn’t remember what they talked about, so I reminded her. That wasn’t all of their conversation, but I’m just giving the overview. She then tried to say that their conversation constituted “gayness.” I stated “No, I don’t think Gayness enters into the equation here. I may be wrong, however. The definition could have changed since lunch. Last I checked, it meant two GUYS talking. Or fucking, as the case may be.” “True,” she stated. “Good. I’m glad we agree. Good night!” She better hope she’s not as stupid as I think she is. I know it was passive aggressive, but if she has any kind of brain, she’ll see that what was going on was inappropriate, and that I really wasn’t happy with it. She may not care about me, but she won’t forget me if we meet in the future, I guaran-fucking-tee that. As far as my husband is concerned. Well. You don’t want to know. And I don’t want to leave any evidence.

et cetera