Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

The man is mowing his grass when it’s still wet!  Does that sound stupid to anyone else?  What a nut.  I need to get out there and weed the irises in the back.  I’m just really lazy and don’t care.  My (real) grass needs mowing, but my husband most inconveniently broke his foot.  I’ve never turned the mower on, so we’ll be able to bale hay before it gets mown at this rate.  I’ve always had daddies and brothers and husbands to mow the yard, so it’s just not something I do.  I’ll have to beg my brother or dad to come help me, or my husband will have to teach me to drive the mower.  That should be interesting.  I can’t even drive a stick shift.

I’m a total comment whore.  It’s pitiful.

{March 29, 2009}   Ahem. Landscaping for summer

It’s come to my attention that there seem to be a lot of people who spend just entirely too much time on this activity.  I, for one, see nekkidity, tooties, and wee-wees all day long, and there are lots of other things I’d rather do with my time.  I’m convinced, based on this evidence, that heart disease isn’t getting younger, it’s these bikini-area obsessed people contorting themselves into odd positions trying to accomplish the grass mowing without a hand mirror, and then valsalving themselves into cardiac arrest!  For the non-medicos in my readership, let me ‘splain.  The Valsalva Maneuver is the method by which you “strain” during bowel movements.  (Elvis Presley, anyone?)  Everyone does it, just not everyone knew there was a fancy name for “The Shit Stance.”  Now, this maneuver is also used when people go into funky heart rhythms (such as Atrial Fibrillation) to get the people out of them.  However, if you do it long enough (such as would be required to finish this type of job) you can cut off blood supply to key areas of the body and cause yourself to faint, or, as previously stated, arrest.  Seriously.  I’m not kidding.  Sorry folks, I’m not that concerned with an area of my body that only 3 people are ever going to see again.  (Minus the nurses in my dream delivery of my make-believe child, of course.)  I’ll clean up for gyno appts and bikini season, and that’s pretty much all you’re gittin’ outta me.  And even then, it’s not gonna look like Playboy Magazine came by yesterday for some photoshop material.  I tried waxing once.  ONCE.  That’s all I have to say about that.  Again, due to the hand mirror requirements, and me only having 2 hands.  I called my husband in to help, but he got waaay too much enjoyment out of the whole incident.  Not to mention the funny e-mail that was going around for awhile about the woman who was waxing and managed to glue her tootie and butt-cheeks together and to the bottom of her tub.  I’m surprised she didn’t have to call the fire department.  I just had no idea that there were people so concerned with this.  Did I miss that fashion trend?  Or were people worried I’d make fun of them, sorta like I’m doing now?  And did you know how expensive this was?  There are people who charge in excess of $100US for this service!  How do they sleep at night?  Now, I understand this is likely not a desirable job requirement, but gloves exist for a reason, folks!  In my opinion, if you lack the manual dexterity to use gloves and wax at the same time, it’s possible you need to consider a career change.

{March 28, 2009}   ICLW

This IComLeavWe thing is by far one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.  I haven’t laughed and smiled like this in a long time.  I’ve had so many visitors and so many nice comments.  Thank you all.  Seriously

Ok, enough sap.  I’m now going to blog about my stupid neighbors.  They’ve erected a 60 foot long fence between our driveways, taken up every speck of pretty landscaping out of their yard, and come over here on CHRISTMAS DAY to bitch at us about MUD on their driveway.  That we didn’t put there, one of my husband’s stupid unhousebroken friends did.  We’ve apologized, but this guy apparently ain’t never been out the yard before, so he doesn’t know how to have interactions with normal people.  He also planted an ugly, teeny shrub right next to the fence.  I told my husband to weed-whack it and play dumb.  “I’m sooo sorry!  I thought is was a weed!  It was kindof ugly, you have to admit.  Let me know when you plant something next time, that way, I’ll know it’s there.  Hard to differentiate that little ugly shrub and ground scrub, ya know?”

No, really, I do!  Today’s search terms were hog-tie, hang crotch fuck, fucked in stirrups.  Someone really wants to fuck me, apparently.  Please use lube, is all I ask.

Today at work, we were discussing what lines were used on us, and if they ever worked.  I was proud to say no!  I think I’ve covered the one night stand thing before.  If you’re new, I’ll explain, briefly.  My husband has a most interesting way of putting things.  He said that when he met me, I still had the “new car smell” in regards to previous partners.  I don’t do that.  End of discussion.  Not on the 1st date, not on the 12th date.  I have to know someone really well.  I’m like Cher in Clueless:  “Look how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet!”  Course, it’s all a moot point now, but at the time, see.  I had a guy ask me if I wanted to go to the truck once.  He asked my why I wasn’t dancing, I told him I hadn’t been asked, and he asked me to go to the truck.  Amazing.  Oh, for those of you who might not understand, going to the truck is southern for “motel room”, “need a ride?”, or any other attempts to get into the britches.  I informed him that under no circumstances was I going anywhere with him, as he could be an axe murderer, and how dare he ask such a question.  Had that ever worked for him?  I wasn’t trash, and he hadn’t even introduced himself.  He must have been either really drunk, or really brave.  Or the one led him to the other.  I don’t know.  But he barely escaped with his eyeballs, I can tell you that.

{March 26, 2009}   Search terms

I’m still getting hits for hog-tying husbands, but today, I got one for “fucked in stirrups.”  Weird.

Today, I was looking at all the pictures on everyone’s locker of their kids and how some of them were all “scrapbooked.”  I’ve always been too busy living and participating to take pictures.  I thought maybe I wasn’t a natural mother.  I had the thought today that there are some children’s activities that I wouldn’t want to ever participate in.  And that there are just some things I couldn’t tolerate.  It’s been just YCU and I for a long time.  We argue, usually because we’re tired or stressed out, or frustrated.  I’m kind of afraid that that’s why I lost the 1st baby and can’t seem to get pregnant again.  Maybe I’m not really cut out for motherhood.  What if I can’t adjust when (if) it gets here?  What if I don’t want to?  What if the longer this takes, we just get too set in our ways to raise a baby without fucking him/her up?  What if I’m just too Type-A and make my kid an obsessive compulsive?  This is the stuff that comes out of not understanding why.  We’re still on break.

{March 25, 2009}   Husband got jealous

The old boyfriend emailed me to catch up,right?  Well, I told YCU about it, and he got all bent out of shape.  “I’ve heard more about him in the last couple of days.”  I told him to grow up.  We dated for 2 weeks 15 years ago and broke up cause I wasn’t ready for the fast lane.  No, not that, drinking and other stuff.  I told you, he was nice!  And I was 15!  Besides, if he was a millionaire and had invented the Iphone or something, I could see getting all scared, but he’s not.  We’re too old for that shit. And this ain’t Days of Our Lives.   (Cue Hank, Jr singing “This ain’t Dallas, this ain’t Dynasty….)  Anyway, I found the whole thing amusing.  If I wanted a boyfriend, I could go out and get one.  Tomorrow.  But, that would take interest, and a lot of trouble that I don’t need or want.  I’ve always told him that I could barely deal with him, why in the hell would I want 2?

In other news, I’m still feeling better.  I’m glad to be taking a break from the pressure.  I didn’t realize it was pressure at the time, but it was.  One of the girls I work with called me to check on me, since part of my nervous breakdown commenced there, and as usual, I felt stupid after it was all over.  I’ve got to get better control over the temper emotion.  We all know I’ve never had much of a filter.  Going to have to construct one with baling twine and sheet metal, I guess.

{March 23, 2009}   Backseat driving

I’ve promised my husband that if he feels 1/10th of the irritation that I feel when he tries to tell me how to drive, I’ll do my best to look out the window and not say anything.  However, I do reserve the right to laugh when he gets a ticket for something stupid.  Today, he was telling me to go, to cut across traffic and pull out.  I don’t drive like that.  I calmly, and patiently (I know.  Crazy.) wait for an opening.  *sighs*  Boys are ______.  You guess.

In other news, I feel better today.  Maybe just deciding to be better makes it so.  I guess that will only take me so far, but it’s something anyway.  Yesterday, while I was performing my “wifely duties” in going to the gun show and standing there, rolling my eyes while my husband bought his new penis award, I looked up and saw an old boyfriend from high school.  He was one of the exhibitors.  Of all places.  He was always nice to me, even after we broke up, so we greeted each other.  I introduced my husband and we caught up for a few minutes.  It was nice to see him, I just didn’t expect to see him there!  He asked if YCU was there to buy me a gun and I asked him if he really thought that was a good idea.  Like, how long have you known me?  I think I’ve stated before that I couldn’t be president because I’d hit the nuke button over a bad hair day or a sexist comment from the shah, or something.  (Oh hayelll, no he didn’t!!)  I really don’t think it would be safe to let me loose with a gun.  Especially considering my current mental state.  I might crack and go completely postal and end up on the news.  No one will understand what set me off when the police are talking into the megaphone “Now, Nina, let’s all just relax….

{March 22, 2009}   Sigh

I don’t like the person I’m becoming.  But I don’t know what to do really.  Today we walked through the mall and it must have been “walk your beautiful new baby in the stroller with the top down so everyone can see” day.  I had to start looking over everyone’s head at the shop signs.  Which, as I’m rather petite, was no small feat.  I looked completely stupid with my nose up in the air.  My husband, who, by the way, says he’s moved past all this shit that’s happened to us, kept pointing out how cute they were.  He also made me stop on the way home last night to hobnob with the same friends who I told you about that I didn’t want to see or talk to their irresponsible asses because neither of them knew how to put on a condom.  Yeah.  And the one that I actually liked the most and probably would have been ready to talk to first in time, began to lecture me about what marriage was all about (highly ironic, seeing as he’s not gotten there yet) and then told me that his fiance had just texted him and told him that she and “the peanut” were going to bed.  I just sortof looked away, then he said “Oh, and I wish you both luck.”  What an asshole.  The friend, not the husband.  Although the YCU did throw me under the bus, especially in light of the fact that I’d already told him I didn’t want to see these people.  He also then told me that a year was long enough for anyone and that I needed to move past this,because it was probably what was holding us back.  I guess I have to hold in how I feel.  I guess he’s ready to move on.  He told me he didn’t like the person I was now and that he wished I’d just gone to my gyno appt last year and had another IUD put in if he’d known what was going to happen.  I wanted to tell him I agreed with him, but I just held it in.  I don’t know if he really meant it, or if he was just mad that I backed the car out in front of all his stupid friends and told him I was ready to leave, was he coming, or was he getting a ride home.  He tends to go for the jugular when he’s mad.  Whatever he thinks is my weakest link is what he goes after.  He’s never really learned to fight fair.  He can’t attack the issue, he usually goes after me when we argue.  But last night I think he was right.  I’m kinda glad we’re taking a break from trying.  It’s obviously affecting our relationship.  Hell, he may decide he doesn’t want kids now or something.  I might decide the same thing, I don’t know.  I need to work on myself and get myself straightened out.  I can’t be angry and bitter that other people get to have babies.  They can’t help the hand biology dealt me or them either.   I can’t continue like this at work, either.  The poor people there can’t be my therapists anymore.  I shouldn’t be sharing all that at work.  Their gonna start thinking I’m crazy.  And I am, just not like that.  At least, I don’t think so.  I mean, I could be…..

In a row.  Like 4 of them.  I’ve cried at work and just had a nervous breakdown at home for a solid week.  Think I need to call my doctor and have her up my dose of Well.butrin?  Probably.  I’m kinda afraid to do that though, cause I’ve already lost 30 lbs.  I really don’t think I need to lose any more.  I can’t afford new clothes right now.  And I’m beginning to think that’s what’s screwed up my periods, along with all the hormone imbalances.  I’m just so angry all the time.  I’m bitter and angry about things I can’t control, which makes me even more angry.  People keep saying “It just wasn’t your time.  God will let you have a baby when it’s your time.”  If it wasn’t my time, then why let me get pregnant in the 1st place?  The clomid didn’t work, and I’m really tired.  After the YCU and I fought all night, we made up and I told him that if it was all right with him, I wanted to take a break for awhile.  He agreed.  I’m just so relieved.  I’m so tired of feeling like this.  It’s just not fair.  It’s not just, and it’s not right.  I don’t like this person I’m becoming.  I would never wish this on my worst enemy.  I wouldn’t ever wish something bad on someone, I just don’t understand why this happened to me.  I hurt so badly for all the people who’ve experienced loss, cause if they’re not feeling like this yet, they will soon.  I just don’t understand why people who have no business having babies get to have them, and I can’t.  It makes me bitter.  So we’re taking a break.

et cetera