Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{March 13, 2009}   Frogs and other amphibians

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you about my Frog Story.  It’s really quite funny.  I used to work the 3-11 shift.  I got home late one night, and was silently cussing my husband for leaving the dog out.  I kept trying to put the dog in his crate, but he kept playing with something on the rug.  I leaned over to see what it was and quickly realized that it was a big horny toad.  My old house was like the movie “Over the Hedge.”  The subdivision was built in these  animals’ habitat, so the animals began to take over.  I found geese in my flower beds, snakes in my car, snapping turtle in my driveway, mice in my garage, my husband almost ran over a covey of bunny rabbits with the lawn mower, you name it.  Now, I live in dire mortal fear of anything amphibious or reptilian.  I don’t “do” critters.  I tell my husband all the time that I hired him for yard work, critter killin’, tall things that I can’t reach, and pretty much anything I don’t want to do.  So.  I discover this toad/frog.  I put the dog away, and think to myself:  “Hmm.  If I get my dustpan and broom, I can just scoop it up and throw it outside and not have to wake up YCU, or actually touch the slimy, nasty thing myself.  Yeah.  It was late, ok?  Anyway, I didn’t count on the thing hopping.  It tried to land on me and kill me, I swear!  (Keep in mind, this is like 12:30 at night.  YCU is dead asleep.)  I screamed unholy bloody murder.  Crouched in the corner, arms over my head, having thrown the dustpan and broom God only knows where.  YCU is now alerted to the fact that something is wrong, and jumps out of bed, grabs the gun,and comes barrelling down the stairs, thinking something or someone is trying to kill me.  Now, we don’t sleep in clothes.  So.  Imagine the scene.  Yeah.  And, YCU has sleep apnea, so he sleeps in a mask and headgear.  He’d just ripped the hose out, so the front of his face slightly resembled and elephant.  Or at least an anteater.  As he comes  flying down the stairs and quickly ascertains that no one is in the house except us and the dog and promptly starts screaming over my din “What the HELL is the matter with you?”  I’m still in the cowering in the corner and scream back, pointing out the location of “Deadly Beast/Frog.”  He picks up the frog, throws it outside, and wordlessly turns to me, looks death, and climbs the stairs, headed back to bed.  With the gun, thank goodness.  I’m quite embarrassed by this story, but alas, it has gone down in Nina Lore.  *sighs*  I’m glad to have such a husband, especially one who thinks that quickly, because, as you can clearly discern for yourselves, I’m completely useless in the face of real danger.


battycatlady says:

Yeah, at least it didn’t splat itself on your face. AND stick its clammy little foot in your mouth.

That being said, I rather like frogs. I thought about keeping a couple as pets for a while, until I realized how much work they are.

HA! Hubby dislikes toads intensely, and when one ended up loose in our bedroom, having come in from outside in a flower pot, I was always going to be the Hero. I quite like them, as it happens. Also snakes, crane-flies and moths, all of which John backs away from havingto handle.
But! But but but! I can’t do spiders At All. I have woken him up a number of times to tell him that there is a spider in the bedroom that he needs to deal with, pronto. And, good domestic soldier that he is, he dutifully trudges to deal with it 🙂

Nina says:

Yes, Batty, that story’s for my next post. Mrs HFF, I just don’t do critters in general. But if you need your stall mucked, your cervix checked, or pressure held on a major bleeder, I’m your woman!

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