Ninapintasantamaria's Blog











{March 15, 2009}   But not me!

I saw May’s twitter and am in full agreement.  It’s really getting bad.  I’m so sick of hearing of/seeing people getting pregnant (but not me), people staying pregnant (but not me), and people just damn well being pregnant (but not me).  Please don’t get me wrong, they deserve to be happy and everything be peachy for them (but not me).  I think green is the dominant color here.  It’s springtime, the grass is growing, stuff  is blooming, and animals and people are breeding (but not me).  Me, I’m just mating.  A lot.  Currently I’m watching a movie called “Where the Heart Is.”  It’s all about a girl who is unmarried and pregnant whose boyfriend leaves her at a Wal-Mart never to return.  She delivers her baby in the Wal-E-World, and goes on to live a wonderful life where she makes friends, inherits money, and even gets to see the boyfriend in a pitiful condition and tell him where to stick it.  I’m gonna have to turn it off, I think.  I can’t turn around without seeing someone else who gets to have babies (but not me).  Yep, I’m so green people are gonna want to water me.  Other people surely are more charitable in their thoughts.  But not me!!!

P.S.  I’m wholly ashamed of myself.

P.P.S.  I also realize that the only way to ensure that I never see children or babies again is to only watch the Playboy Channel (Ewww!  I see nekkid people all day long.  I’m not gonna go looking for it in my off time.  Or pay for it, for that matter.), or work outside and not watch tv at all.  All my neighbors are old, so I just spend my days pissing them off just for being me.  I’m really good at it, too, apparently.

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battycatlady says:

DO NOT BERATE YOURSELF over how you feel! It’s just how you feel. Trying to repress it only compounds the problem.

If it makes you feel any better, I have often felt angry and jealous and altogether worthless because other people are able to have lasting, happy, normal relationships (friendly and romantic) just by being themselves… but not me. It is OKAY to feel like that. Just don’t let it consume you and become an obsession; no end of trouble is caused by obsession. Please remember that you are YOU, an awesome person in your own right, whether or not you are able to utilize your baby-making facilities. I know you want a baby. I would like you to have a baby too, for your sake if nothing else, though I also find that this aunt business is growing on me. I hope that God sees fit to allow that to happen, but if not, I don’t want you to take it too hard. Trust me, I speak from personal experience… when God is in it, the most horrible experience you could possibly imagine can be turned into something better than you ever dreamed.

Don’t get so focused on babies that you close your eyes to everything else around you. We loves you, big sis — ALL of you, not just your uterus.



Nina says:

My uterus needs love too! But thanks!



May says:

When you’ve lost a child, the pain of being bereaved and left out in a fertile world is unGodly. And there’s no use at all in pretending it isn’t. Thinking of you.



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