Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{March 26, 2009}   Search terms

I’m still getting hits for hog-tying husbands, but today, I got one for “fucked in stirrups.”  Weird.

Today, I was looking at all the pictures on everyone’s locker of their kids and how some of them were all “scrapbooked.”  I’ve always been too busy living and participating to take pictures.  I thought maybe I wasn’t a natural mother.  I had the thought today that there are some children’s activities that I wouldn’t want to ever participate in.  And that there are just some things I couldn’t tolerate.  It’s been just YCU and I for a long time.  We argue, usually because we’re tired or stressed out, or frustrated.  I’m kind of afraid that that’s why I lost the 1st baby and can’t seem to get pregnant again.  Maybe I’m not really cut out for motherhood.  What if I can’t adjust when (if) it gets here?  What if I don’t want to?  What if the longer this takes, we just get too set in our ways to raise a baby without fucking him/her up?  What if I’m just too Type-A and make my kid an obsessive compulsive?  This is the stuff that comes out of not understanding why.  We’re still on break.

et cetera