Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{April 11, 2009}   So.

He told me he no longer cared what I thought or did, as long as I left him alone to do whatever he wanted.  And that he hates what I’ve become in the last year.  He said that I’d gotten to do whatever I wanted, all the time, and now it was his turn.  Great.  I’m hoping that’s grief and depression and boredom talking.  It may not be.  I don’t know.  He told me that since I “made” him cancel the bbq he planned (without asking me what I wanted to do, mind you, and I’d already told him we had plans this weekend) he wasn’t spending any time with me today.  So.  I’m getting nothing accomplished that I’d planned, because all my plans involved him.  (And I always get to do what I want.  WTF?)  I gave up doing what I wanted a long time ago, when I sold my horse, quit going dancing, and couldn’t have a baby.  I’m not exactly sure what he’s talking about when he says I always get what I want.  I’m usually thinking only of him when I make plans, if only because it’s usually questionable if I’ll get to do them or not.  He doesn’t know how to make plans, even 1 day in advance.  I told him last night for the 14th time this week that he needed to get in touch with his friend who was supposed to be house-sitting for us while we went on vacation, but he keeps saying “the guy won’t answer his phone.”  Does he not know where he lives?  Drop by.  Does he not know where he works?  Call there.  Does he not know where he hangs out most of the time?  Go there!  I swear, I think he has no gumption sometimes.  You have to try a little harder than that to get what you want!  Good God!  When I show him my resourceful side, he gets all angry and tells me to leave him alone.  I’m really not sure why, cause if he wants to get things done, he needs to be thinking harder than that!  Why am I always the one who has to handle things?  Why can’t he be an adult and take care of business properly?  I’m hurt right now.

Update:  I just had to call the friend for him, and he answered his phone immediately.  Hmmm.  Makes you think, doesn’t it.  He said he’d do it, no problem.  Hmm.  THAT was easy.  Easier than the Easy Button!  I just fell into the trap, yet again, but if I don’t it doesn’t get taken care of!  I don’t know what else to do.  Oh, and he said that if I “quit showing him attitude, and get my head out of my ass, he’ll come home and spend time with me today.”  I’m going to end up like my aunt.  No furniture for 5 years, because her husband was too “busy” to go shopping and was too picky.  And she wouldn’t go buy the furniture by herself, because she said that he’d just send it all back if he didn’t like it.  Bullshit!  Not if she’d tossed the paperwork and receipts!  And I’d like to see how his lazy ass would have gotten it out of the house with no help.  (We all would have refused to help on principle.  She deserved furniture after 5 days, much less 5 years.  What happened to the old furniture, you ask?  He’d given it all to his nephew so he could set up housekeeping with his pregnant girlfriend, without asking her first.  And before buying new.)  Seriously, they are quite possibly the wierdest people I know.  She’s one of those women who never eats a hot meal cause she has to fix his plate for him first (she thinks), never makes vacation plans because he won’t like it (she’s afraid), and never makes a decision for herself because he might get upset (she’s a wimp).  I really don’t think it’s an abuse situation, I think it’s just what she thinks wifing involves.  I vowed years ago never to be like my mom and aunt.  I once got smacked for telling my mom she couldn’t poop without asking dad.  I was a bit mouthy, could you tell?  But, come on.  I had asked if I could go to a friend’s house (the friend’s mother was picking me up, so I wasn’t even putting her out at all) and mom told me I had to wait till dad got home from work to ask him.  He didn’t get home till after dark or dinnertime, whichever came first.  Make a decision for yourself!  I was a bit frustrated cause I just couldn’t see what the problem was.  (Still can’t see what it was, after all these years.)  Now, in order to (maybe, but probably not, no guarantees) get what I need and want, I’m gonna have to learn to be mousy?  Am I in God’s toilet?  Did He just sit down with a newspaper?  That’s how this past year has felt.

battycatlady says:

Mom and aunt… bless them, I don’t intend to turn out like that either. Though I also don’t want to be overbearing. I, like you, am not sure how to go about finding the happy medium.

Nina says:

Mom and E have spent years wondering where you and I came from. It’s blatantly obvious that we have some of their DNA, but it’s kinda repressed when it comes to the feisty gene, ya know? Cause we got that one in spades. Spades and spades and spades. We’re a little scary. Especially when someone forgot to feed us.

Val says:

Like your blog Nina! (followed you here from your comment on HFF)
I certainly hope things are looking up for you shortly…

Nina says:

Thanks, Val. I hope so too!

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