Ninapintasantamaria's Blog

{October 19, 2009}   I cried today.

We were all talking in the room today, before the case started, and one of the girls revealed that she and her husband were getting a divorce. She’s endured breast cancer this year, with chemo, but she wanted to make sure that everyone didn’t think badly of her husband. She said that they’d just grown apart and that she’d always felt like a single mom, and that they just didn’t connect anymore. She also made the statement that kids can either bring you closer together, or they can tear you apart. I cried for her, because she was so torn up about it, and I cried for myself, because I’ve been living in abject terror of this for some time now. But I also thought about it a bit. If my husband didn’t leave me when I was bitter and angry and taking it out on him, I’m thinking he’s a keeper. He’s so excited about the baby, and he’s all about protecting the house (hence the gun enthusiasm all of a sudden). I was never a crier, in fact, I always thought those people were sappy. I’ve learned that I just didn’t have the life experience to empathize with the sufferer. I’m of the opinion that the whole experience has made me a better person, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. It makes me sad.

I’ve been really stressing about money and how much it’s gonna cost to raise this baby and pay the bills, and all that. I finally came to the conclusion that I’m responsible for feeding him, clothing him, keeping him safe, healthy and clean. If he doesn’t have all the best stuff, well, I guess it’ll give him something to work toward. I can only do what I can do, and being my child, he’ll adapt pretty quickly, no?

Oh, and about the bra situation. I went ghetto on it. I tied a cotton string around the straps to keep them on my shoulders, and safety-pinned the strap slides. So the potential for wardrobe malfunctions is much lower. Not streamlined, but functional. For the moment.


rosesdaughter says:

I’ve been stressing over the money thing too. It’s so hard when you want to give so much, but will be unable to.

Quiet Dreams says:

I heard this amazing program the other day (I’m a nerd, I listen to these podcasts while I walk my dog). It was talking about the difference between what wealthy parents can give their kids and what poor parents can give their kids. I know that you’re talking about something a little different here, but something about it seems to fit. Here’s the link:

It’s Act One, Harlem Renaissance. If you listen to it, let me know what you think.

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